Twenty-Nine: When Will This Dream Come True?

I was going to write something totally different today….but then, just an hour ago, my boyfriend called and we broke up with each other.  I saw it coming.  I’d been mulling it over for the last couple of days.  I guess that lessens the blow a little.  Just a little.

So I’m left thinking, what IS Your Plan, God?  Why do you plant these deep desires in me and let me chase after them if they always, have always, ended in heartbreak?  What was this?  Sometimes I feel like God doesn’t know me at all.  He makes me jump through hoops.  If He knew me, he’d know just how much I hate the hoops.  He’d know that I hate the drama.  I just want it to come easy, with this particular longing.  But I’m not really mad at God.  I just don’t know what He’s doing. 

What’s really frustrating is that everyone tells me that I’m such a wonderful person.  That I’m amazing.  That any guy would love to be with me.  Well, where is he then?  I don’t think I’m a terrible person, but I know I am not the best.  But that doesn’t mean I’m not deserving, either.  I guess everyone just wants to say things to make me feel better.  I guess I do the same.

And what’s really annoying is that I am getting older and older and older and there is not much to show of it.  I really really thought my life would be a lot different by now.  Blah blah, same old story you hear from every single girl who wants to be married.

So that’s where I am, again, today.  Only this time, I’m twenty-nine.  I just want Jesus to come back NOW.  Earth sucks.