Friday, March 15, 2013

Twenty-Nine: Chasing You in Circles


Today I stood in Lihong’s backyard, drenched in sun and present in thoughts a million miles away.  I stared at the sky, watched it decide to welcome darkness but then push it away.  I stared at the trees, bits of green pushing through the bare branches.  I stared and stared and stared.  And thought.  She just let me think.

I am grateful for the time with Lihong today.  But I also wish I hadn’t thought SO much, because it’s opening up things I’m not ready to fight yet.  Oh, but who knows, maybe I should let it go and stop shutting everything up.  I just have so many things that need my energy these days, I am a slave to this season.  I like my work.  I like working hard.  I don’t like to take things for granted.  It wears me out sometimes, but I think it is worth it.

I feel like I am just getting back to being myself again.  I was sick in the winter for so long, literally the longest bout of sicknesses I’ve ever dealt with in my life.  It was horrible.  And my body was trying to heal from the car accident at the same time.  AND tax season was starting.  That’s a whole lot of crazy things going on at the same time….no wonder I shut things out.  And now, it’s like my regular levels of energy are starting to come back.  And I am so thankful, although I still get tired a bit more than before.  But maybe that’s because I’m twenty-nine, and my body thinks it’s eighty-five.

Oh, but there are very good and exciting things happening…..BRYAN AND BECKY ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!  They had the first ultrasound today.  I am sooooo excited!  November is already one of my favorite months (because of Thanksgiving) and this year is going to be the best!  I know it!

And I have some very, very good friends.  Good, real, true friends that let me have my real feelings about things and don’t just try to “cheer” me up.  They sit with me and listen, and when I’m done, I’m done.  I don’t have to dwell on whatever it is anymore.  I am free to join in on the jokes or whatever silly things they are doing.  I am so grateful for that.  So thankful.  So blessed.

2 comments:

Laurel said...

Congrats to Brian!!!

November . . . and Thanksgiving at CRC . . . is one of our favorite months, as well.

Wish we lived close . . . because I would let you talk, and vent, and cry on my shoulder, as much and as often as you would like.

Hugs!

Laurel :)

Melanie said...

thanks, Laurel! You're so sweet! :)