this is the sound of one voice.

October makes me slow down
I can’t rush around as fast in the rain
Today is a perfect example…..the clouds are threatening.
And I’m contemplative again….pouring out.
I’m excited for the after-feeling.
This has been in my head for the last few hours:

Float from space to space
Sometimes invisible
Sometimes painfully present
That’s the worst.

But maybe really, they are equal.
Sometimes it hurts to be invisible, no matter how much I crave it
And too much of the time it hurts to be visible
In this life the scales never balance out

We have to learn to cope
Deal somehow with all we can’t control
It’s quite annoying, most of the time
Maybe because that’s what my life has become…..a life of coping…..

Yes, I find myself enjoying some things
But I do not enjoy as much as I cope.
I think that’s why I’m so eager to go home
So eager for God to swoop me up.
I live too much in reality.

Many say we shouldn’t be so transparent.
I don’t care anymore….uh, to an extent.
I’m not so worried about what you think
Especially since it appears barely anyone reads this.
Maybe I’m safe.
Maybe it just doesn’t matter.