Christmas Loss

Somewhere down the line I stopped letting people in so close to my inner workings.  I shut the doors to my heart and enlisted guards to try to keep more cracks from forming.  In the last few days this reality has been brought to my attention, as I think about some people in my life who I have fallen away from.  I separated myself from a situation that was too much to handle at the time.  And now, one of those people has passed on and I find myself feeling guilty and sad that I haven’t seen him in months.  

And so I didn’t have a deep friendship with Ray McGee.  But there was nothing that I knew about him that I didn’t like.  He always greeted me with a warm smile, even if that smile quickly turned to pointed questions about how late I’d stayed out the night before.  Or why I didn’t come to church the week before.  Or why I wasn’t tithing that week.  I always enjoyed that back-and-forth banter. 

But I also know that he was suffering from cancer.  And I felt awful about it.  He’d talked to me about it a few times, about the treatments and how expensive it was.  Knowing all of that makes me sick.  To think that people have to pay so much money out of their pockets for something that they have no control over happening to them….it just makes me sick.  I know Ray was not the only one in this boat.  My aunt’s in that boat.  Friends are in that boat, or were in that boat.  It is so devastating.

So I was praying that God would heal him.  Or that God would provide the finances to help him pay off these high bills. I have a feeling that God helped provide, but I really don't know how or how much.  It doesn't really matter, because I know that Ray belonged to God.  So no matter what happened in the last few months that I wasn't around ICC,  I know that God was taking care of Ray.  

Ray is only the third older fellow that has felt comfortable enough to tease me about silly things.  And I loved it.  Even when I wasn't feeling good, once I walked in those doors and heard, "Hey missy, where have you been?  Where were you last night?", whatever was plaguing me dissipated.  He had a knack for making you feel good and welcome, whether there was a tired look on your face or not.  He gave the best hugs, too.  And I agree with a friend who said this earlier in the week - he always smelled GREAT!  

I was shocked to hear of his passing, although as it has sunk in, I am relieved to know that he is up with the angels, making sure they stay out of trouble.  And I can feel him watching over us.  I'm sure every time I stay out late on a Saturday night, I'll hear him in the back of my head, saying "you better be up for church in the morning!"  He was always so good to remind me of what should take priority.  From coming to church on time, to singing on the worship team, to tithing.  There will definitely be an emptiness at ICC for awhile.  

I pray for God to comfort his wife, Karen, their grandson, and all of their extended family.  Loss of a loved one is. never. easy. and I just pray that God will stay at their sides while they process their grief.  I pray for God to comfort the ICC family as they try to "do church" after this loss.  I just pray for God's covering over everyone who knew Ray and is affected by his passing.  

Peace be with you.  Rest in peace, brother Ray.