"I feel it all, I feel it all," -Feist

Wowwwww.....sorry it's been like a month since I updated. A lot's been goin' on. I was sorting, packing, moving, and working in between all that and still helping Grandma and the rest of my family...a full schedule for sure. Things aren't so busy for me now though, since I moved this last weekend. Which is NICE. I NEED this time, I NEED to catch up on my life, write more. Which is what I'm hoping to do tomorrow. Along with unpacking stuff and beautifying my new room.

It still doesn't feel real, still hasn't sunk in completely that I'm living in Portland. I still feel like I'm visiting, though all of my stuff is here. It's weird. I did go back to the farm today though to clean and it's weird to see the house so empty...of my stuff. And Mom's been packing up some of Grandma's stuff too, so it's weird to see some of the walls bare. And I didn't get all the cleaning done that I needed to....probably 'cause I spent too much time eating lunch with Momma and visiting Grandma. But it was worth it. Yep.

Dad was home when I got there, mowing the lawns. Good for him! But of course he never has a guard up around me so it was doom and gloom again when he got done....AAAAAAH!!!!! I just can't stand it anymore. It's the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and OVERRRRR! Same problems, same feelings, he won't let go. I cannot wait until Mom finds a place for them to live so they can get off the farm and Dad can get better. Which he will, I know it. He just has to leave.

So that was frustrating, trying to clean while having to listen to Dad and at the same time trying not to get too mad or frustrated at him. That is SO hard for me now....I feel like I'm back at the same spot I was at Thanksgiving. But I just don't have any sympathy....I can't find it. None of my kind words make anything better, so unfortunately I've replaced them with venom. Which is why I cannot be around Dad anymore. I just can't. It hurts him when I'm around, and it hurts me when I'm around him. I hate that I feel that way but it's the truth.

So anyway......I kinda don't want to go back and finish cleaning for another 2 weeks or so....I need distance from that place, from those problems. I mean, I want to get the cleaning done ASAP, but I don't want to be around the issues there. So I'm gonna try and stay away. Hopefully I'll get some work and it'll make that easier.

Speaking of work....I met with my new office manager yesterday. She's nice, but was obviously stressed yesterday. She said the branch manager is taking a break for awhile so now she's (the office manager) in charge of everything. I'd be stressed out too if I had that much on my plate, I think. But I wasn't really prepared for that yesterday so it was kinda awkward. Hopefully it won't matter in the future. And hopefully.....she can find work for me for next week.

So yeah. I live in Portland now. Never saw this coming. It's not bad so far....haven't gotten too lost yet. :-)

Ahhhhh, I'm tired. It's been a looooonnnnnnngggggg day. g'night!