breath of fresh air...change of scenery

ahhhhhhhh. I am feeling SO good. It is SO nice being back in Ashland...it's like I've finally been able to shed that gloomy skin that's been attached to me for a while. So much for being used to the rain -- you know, I lived with it for 18 years and as long as I can remember, I never had that gloomy-yucky-sad feeling because of it. Of course, that feeling is not all because of the rain, some circumstances are different these days. But the rain has just intensified everything. And now I'm here and it's sunny (well, the weather isn't as great today...but yesterday was AWESOME) and I'm feeling so much better...like whatever weight was on my back has been lifted. And I've still got a couple days of this awesomeness! So great.

It's odd, I used to feel pretty gloomy from the end of November to the end of February while I was going to school here, but this year I didn't start feeling really gloomy until the end of January. I guess it's because I'm in a different place in life now. I don't have to deal with the stresses (and I mean STRESSES) of school anymore. That's a huge chunk of the gloomy. Of course, I do have other stresses now, but I think it's fair to say that I don't feel as overwhelmed now as I used to. Or if I do, it's a different kind of overwhelmed, an out-of-my-hands overwhelmed. Because pretty much about 75% of my stresses are out of my hands.

Anyway, I'm just glad that I'm here and able to relax and spend some time with people I have really missed. Sometimes I think you don't know how much you care about people until you're away from them - at least that's how I feel right now. I mean, I care about people when I'm around them, but when I'm away it's like I can see the ways I really care about them - I see things in a different light. Like the saying, "you don't know what you've got until it's gone." At home I have friends...but it's been so long since any of us have really connected that I feel like that part of my life is missing. I really miss being around people, spending time with my good friends and such. Everyone, everything, is so far away.

I guess I've had quite a bit of time to think about things. Thinking is good sometimes. I think right now I'm getting to the point that I'm ready to move out of Grandma's house...but unfortunately my finances aren't. So I'm kinda stuck...and could be for awhile. At least I have my own house, right? Even if it's 15+ miles away from everything and everyone.

Okaaay...so this was quite rambly. Sorry...things are just kind of everywhere now. Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday!!