living on the edge.

Hi. I'm sorry. It's been..............um...........three? No. Five? No....OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS. EIGHT. EIGHT MONTHS since I last posted. Wow. I am so so so so so very sorry for the silence. All I can really say is, I guess the last few years was everyone else's time to be silent and deal with their own personal shiz, and this year was my turn. I think that is the only explanation, really. Portland.....or perhaps rather, LIFE, has dried up all my words. At least the words I used to show everyone. Never in my life did I think that would ever happen....especially when I started this blog. I never thought I'd be silent for one month, much less EIGHT! I never thought I'd lose the will to talk to people. To keep up with people. To be the person I thought I was. How quickly burn out comes when you're out of your league. I was out of my league.

Basically, when lots of stuff starts happening in your own life, and work takes up a lot of time, you hold up all your free moments to yourself. Okay, well, I do. At least I have been. I haven't been e-mailing regularly. I haven't been posting (obviously...). I haven't been paying as much attention to those outside of my vicinity as I previously did. I have been taking lots of time to myself, reflecting. And then not taking any time for myself and spending it with friends, which is fantastic, but then after awhile I get burnt out and start hating life 'cause I'm so damn busy. I know....the key word I should focus on is BALANCE. I've been rolling that word around in my mind, in my mouth for a good 3 years now. It feels like a code I can't crack. I want to be with my friends and love them deeply. I want to keep tabs on myself so I don't lose who I am. I want to make sure I'm following God's will for my life. I want to get in shape....I want to get back in the rhythm of staying in touch. I have to work....but I suppose I want that too. (I do love my job, much as I may grumble at times). So doing all those things sounds great and wonderful....but keeping them up takes a delicate balance. And I am still figuring that out.

So yeah. Portland. One year and....five months. SIGH. I love it, I hate it. It is so extreme. Living here is SO EXTREME. But wonderful, at the same time. I love my community, messed up as it's been this year. Just goes to show that nothing is ever, ever as it seems. People are hardly ever as they seem. And just when I thought I'd gotten a handle on the art of reading people....bammo. They are not as they seem. They can be so tricky, deceiving. I don't think though, that they mean to deceive. It just happened that way. For awhile I was feeling quite betrayed, not knowing people as I thought I did, but then I got over it. I think really, it was not their fault.

So anyway. Portland is extreme. Traffic SUCKS. God, what were You thinking when you moved me here, knowing my deep hatred for being delayed unneccesarily from my destinations? Is this a test? Are You filing down this rough edge of me? And if so...why? Those are questions I ask a lot while trying to get home from work on freakin' 84. At rush hour, I-84 takes on the name, "Freakin' 84" from me. It is ALWAYS backed up. There's a bit of a silver lining though, I have noticed that lately it hasn't taken me as long to get home. So I am thankful for that. But sometimes....I just want to get home in fifteen minutes instead of thirty.

Sorry if this post seems scattered. I just don't really know what to say after not saying anything for eight months. I suppose I could highlight each month....ahh, there's the organizer in me. Okay. Here comes some comforting organization (oh, and you better believe that I have my planner in front of me...oh yeah):

April: On the 5th, I went to a life-transforming Liana Bumstead and Johanna Chase concert. Lots of music influences my life. Liana's has for awhile now....but this was the first time I'd heard Johanna, and it was fantastic. Deeply reccommended.
On the 16th, I bought Gia. Who's Gia? She's my "new" car. Cavvie went to Heaven and I'm still very wary of public transportation, so God blessed me with Gia. She's a 1996 Mitsubishi Galant. Though there are flaws, they are very minor. She gets me where I need to go and she can play my CDs. And she's pretty. I love her.

May: On the 22nd, I went camping with Julie and Tasha. Oh yeah....Julie moved into Nique's old room in March. At least I think it was March....correct me if I'm wrong. Anyways, we went camping in Eastern Oregon, at the Strawberry Mountains. So awesome. Mmmm....I could stand to go back there a few more times. :-)
On the 30th, the youngest of us five cousins graduated from high school! It has happened....we are all adults now! Crazy how fast time moves. It was a great graduation, definitely one of the best I've been to. Which is very surprising, coming from Sheridan! Guess I underestimated them!

June: On the 14th, my dear Alison left for Maine. For the whole entire summer. It was horrible. I missed her way toooo much. No karaoke. :-(
On the 27th, I went to the Kite Festival in Lincoln City with my family. It was so fun! Beautiful weekend...sunny and warm. Windy, but when isn't it at the beach? Bryan and I ran in the "Running of the Bols," well, rather, I flew.... haha. It was incredibly fun and thankfully documented by my wonderful parents.

Wow. Only three months in and I'm already tired....will have to finish this later. Probably doesn't help that I had written almost a completely different post before settling on this one....oh well. Okay, so I promise to finish this in a timely manner. Like tomorrow or the next day. Because I will have time. Or I will make time. YES.

It's nice to be back. I miss you all lots, if I haven't lost your interest by being gone for so long! I hope you are all doing well.